I have been very lazy in the past month.
By ‘lazy’ I actually mean busy, too busy to put some time aside to write even a single blog post.
The annoying thing is that I can’t even remember what I’ve been busy doing. I know that an awful lot of my time is spent being a responsible adult and parent, which sadly doesn’t leave time for ‘frivolous’ things like writing.
One thing that I know I have been spending time on is getting new designs in the store.
Not having any time for myself is having a detrimental effect on my relationship with my boys, J2 is now 2, and J3 is coming up to 9 months.
J2 is independent, he likes to pick out his own clothes, he loves playing with the trucks and trains that he got for his birthday, and he never sits still.
Nothing in that previous sentence should indicate to you the amount of frustration and stress I’ve been feeling on a daily basis. Even reading it back to myself I can’t see how I get so angry that I regularly need to step into my bedroom to calm down.
Let’s break it down:
- Independent – But still acts like a baby when his brother is getting attention!
I know that this is a developmental and social thing but it drives me insane.
- Clothes – Sometimes decides not to wear clothes at all.
This isn’t actually usually a problem, and he will change his clothes if I pull some different ones out, but on the days when we have to go out and he is throwing a fit because he doesn’t want to wear pants I do not have the patience or time to deal with him.
- Trucks & Trains – They are so loud!
We have mostly wooden floors in this apartment, only our bedrooms are carpeted, and, not only do the trucks have buttons on that when pressed sound sirens and warnings, they crash and clatter in a way that I thought wasn’t possible!
- Can’t sit still – He even falls off his chair from a sitting position for no reason.
It’s pretty much self-explanatory, and I know that this is a developmental thing, and he is getting better at it, but at those times when Josh and I finally sit down so we’re all eating dinner together and then J2 just randomly falls off his chair, or decides that he needs to see what we’re eating, I just lose it.
Again, I have only listed four things that seem innocuous enough, minor issues that can be dealt with using a calm voice and a good example, but I don’t have time for that.
Take into consideration the fact that I also have a 9 month old who is also independent, has started walking while holding onto things, likes to feed himself, doesn’t like getting his diaper or clothes changed, and is as busy as his brother, and you may see where most of my time and patience goes.
J3 is like a greyhound, as soon as he is on the ground he will army crawl his way to the nearest vertical surface and work his way up so he’s standing, he will either then make his way to something more interesting, or stand there until he gets tired and starts whining. This wasn’t an issue with J2 in our previous almost completely carpeted apartment, but these wooden floors hurt when he falls down.
He is also like a bloodhound, but for food and drink he’s not supposed to have yet, he will army crawl his way to J2’s table, pull himself up, and if necessary climb up, and grab whatever his little baby arms can reach.
He is just a baby. He wants mummy’s attention, he wants brother’s attention, he wants hugs, he wants freedom, he wants to be fed, he wants to feed himself.
I know what you’re thinking,
You’re doing it wrong.
You just need to calm down.
You should appreciate this time with your children more.
You need to stop being selfish.
You’re the adult, just deal with it and move on.
You should try to do activities that they will both enjoy.
You just need to have a set schedule.
You need help.
You’re not being a good mother.
I know that’s what you’re thinking because that’s what my inner voice is screaming at me while my outer self is getting more and more riled up.
The real problem here is rest.
I don’t get enough.
I don’t give my body and brain enough time to process the stress of the day before, so the next day it just piles on top.
I need to go to bed early to rest, and to get up early to energize.
I know that’s what I need to do
, but how do I do that and still have enough time for blogging, designing, playing video games, hanging out with friends, having quality time with Josh, cleaning, crafting, writing, journaling, painting my nails, exercising, grocery shopping, meal planning…
I know that’s what I need to do.
Wish me, and my boys, luck,
Until next time,